...You know. No one I've talked to yet has understood it. Why I did it.
[She sets her notebook aside, pulling her knees up close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, making a flat place for her chin to rest atop them as she curls in on herself.]
It's like...like they get half of it. And then they fill in the other half on their own. What was I trying to do, what did I think would happen, why didn't I do something else, how could I think that would help.
[She rubs her nose, this time.]
Truth is, I...
[It's easier when he's not here yet, when he's not right in front of her, because she can look away from the window between them. She can look away and that makes it a little better, just like he's doing.]
It was so that it would stop. Like...I don't know. Lancing a boil. Draining a wound. I didn't think anything anyone could've said to you right then would've done anything. I didn't think it would get through all the emotion. Sometimes...sometimes you take the emotion out of something and it makes it easier to cope. That's what I did when I learned how to kill a person. First you have to just...make it stop.
no subject
[She sets her notebook aside, pulling her knees up close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, making a flat place for her chin to rest atop them as she curls in on herself.]
It's like...like they get half of it. And then they fill in the other half on their own. What was I trying to do, what did I think would happen, why didn't I do something else, how could I think that would help.
[She rubs her nose, this time.]
Truth is, I...
[It's easier when he's not here yet, when he's not right in front of her, because she can look away from the window between them. She can look away and that makes it a little better, just like he's doing.]
It was so that it would stop. Like...I don't know. Lancing a boil. Draining a wound. I didn't think anything anyone could've said to you right then would've done anything. I didn't think it would get through all the emotion. Sometimes...sometimes you take the emotion out of something and it makes it easier to cope. That's what I did when I learned how to kill a person. First you have to just...make it stop.